Projects

The parents love the child, and the child loves the parents

The pastel shows the gift given, and the triangle that links the donor to the parents in their search to have a child. The parents love the child, and the child loves the parents, but wonders about themselves. Who they are, and the unknown biological parent. It shows how all have intertwined in each other’s lives, for love of a child. 

Based on the actual images of the eight cell embryo

Eight is a work in acrylics and canvas based on the actual image of the eight cell embryo- created using donor sperm- which grew within me to become my son, Jonathan.  Jonathan is now four years old.

- Melissa Bartlett

For us both the use of a donor was a very considered decision for the kid’s conception

The pursuit of a family as queer single women involved much consideration and intention. We are two dear friends who have been on this journey together. Our friendship allowed us to talk debate and discuss the possibilities and processes to imagine becoming parents. For us both the use of a donor was a very considered decision for the kid’s conception. The journey of decision making and deliberation is kind of behind us now as G is two years and Mr. T is three years old, these are our donor-conceived children. The kids are nine months apart.

Parenting wild toddlers takes center stage of the friendship. Within this we try to grow our children with intent and consciousness. Their donor origins are different with some similarities; both donors were committed to openness and honesty, this was so important, and both identify as gay men which fits for us both creating queer families for our kids. The kids call each other brothers.

The next steps in our kids’ story will be soon theirs to tell and we are both working to equip them with the information and support to stand strong, proud and loved in their donor origins. This photo was a beginning step in that process of openness and love. 

- Alyssha Mary & Emily (with Mr T & G)

My dream of being a mother was shattering

This piece was created on 13th July, 2005 during an art therapy session in response to the theme “Beyond Words”. After every negative result from IVF I felt a piece of my heart break. My dream of being a mother was shattering. The process is not for the fainthearted, particularly if you were going alone as a single woman, needing to use donor sperm. The grief of a negative result is difficult to explain- how can you grieve something you could not hold? Yet the visual bond I had with the embryo prior to it being transferred was enough. It was my child and it was lost with a negative result. My heart broke each time. I lost 14 that were transferred before I experienced the joy of pregnancy that is now my daughter.

- Leanne 

I have given the gift of life without the expectation of anything in return

I love helping others. I am an egg donor and have helped two couples produce miracles to complete their family. I have given the gift of life without the expectation of anything in return. With a combination of wanting to give and the love of quilting, I made this quilt for others to express their thoughts, to their special people, who helped them to complete their family. I have love for two children I haven’t met. Someday I’ll open my door and looking back at me I will see the souls behind the eyes that I have helped bring into this world. However parenthood comes to you it’s a miracle. 

- Natasha 

We were connected by our journeys

The mothers of The Miracles Group have developed firm friendships. We would not have met if it was not for our donor-conceived children. Although different donors were used, we were connected by our journeys and the challenges we face. The tree symbolizes our connection and gives us an opportunity to thank the donors. Our children decorated leaves to add to the tree - they too have developed special friendships with each other.

- The Miracles Group

It was like a miracle baby, a total miracle baby

I went through menopause in my twenties but didn’t realise till I was in my early thirties and ready to start a family. They took a good look inside and when I came out of the anesthetic, our doctor in London broke the news by saying, “you have the ovaries of an 80 Year old. Do you have a sister?” ‘We tried four rounds of IVF but nothing. My sister Anna was back in Australia and knew what was going on. I don’t think I asked. She just offered.

Our first try using one of her eggs and my husband’s sperm ended in an ectopic pregnancy. Once I recovered, we decided that because we had gotten so close, we would try it one more time.

The second time we tried with two eggs and two sperm and the result was one baby. I was madly excited during the pregnancy. That I had my sister’s egg, I didn’t even think about it like that. Anna had once put it nicely that she had donated one cell and I had grown the rest myself. Because I was actually pregnant, it was my body that was changing and holding the baby. Jerome felt completely mine.

We told him from the second he was born. I used to tell him these little stories, always ending up with: “And Anna gave the egg,” - so he can’t even remember being told and I can’t remember when it first sunk in for him because we’ve been open about it the whole way through.

When Jerome was in prep, he was going to a play date at a friend’s house and the mother who was driving asked: “So tell me something interesting about you?” and Jerome said: “I’m a donor-conceived child and Anna gave the egg.” He then proceeded to tell her the whole story and the mother rang me up afterwards and said: “I don’t know if this is meant to be public knowledge” and I said: “No that’s fine, everyone knows.”

The odds of me falling pregnant were like 10 million to one after the ectopic pregnancy. So it was like a miracle baby, a total miracle baby.

- Victoria 

I remember standing in the kitchen of mum and dad’s and talking to Victoria on the phone. Deciding to give her my eggs was an instantaneous thing. I already had two children and I wasn’t planning on more. So from my point of view there was no issue.

I told my boys about what was going to happen before we began the process. One day I was driving them to childcare and one of them said: “So which bit are you giving, the egg or the tadpole?”

Vic needed continuity of care because of the ectopic pregnancy the first time around. So we decided that this time I would fly across to London. However the process started here in Australia. A mum at school who was a GP did all my jabs. I had to have the jabs at pretty much the same time every day. I remember being jabbed at Melbourne airport literally before I walked onto the plane. Once in London, Qantas fast tracked everything. I was off the plane, in a car, out of the airport and straight to the clinic in London to get my next jab. Two days later they did the egg collection. I flew back to Australia not knowing if Vic was pregnant or not.

It was a pretty amazing phone call to get, to hear Vic was pregnant and all was okay.

The first time I met Jerome, I said: “He doesn’t smell like my two boys.” And I was surprised that I didn’t feel a stronger sense of attachment to him. It was the same feeling I had towards my nieces. My two boys get on very well with Jerome. When they are together it’s like watching a big pack of puppy dogs. There’s lots of boyish rough and tumble and wrestling.

When the boys were younger, if Jerome was with me and my boys, people would say they are lovely boys, all three of them and when Vic has been out with them, people have also said to her, “What lovely boys, all three”. There’s bits and pieces of Jerome that make him look like one of us and there’s other bits that when you see him with his Dad, he looks so like his Dad but that’s normal for kids, there’s no boundary about it.

- Anna

There were quite a few hurdles and you learn not to get your hopes up with each step

It’s been a long journey to get to this point. We found out initially that we needed assistance in December 2012. Daniel had a couple of operations. They were invasive open biopsies to try and retrieve sperm and they did a couple of egg collections. None of that was successful and then we went through the donor program. It was exciting when we found out we were pregnant especially because it had taken so long. There were quite a few hurdles and you learn not to get your hopes up with each step.

In deciding on the donor, we took our time reading through the five options we had. And just the wording that this particular male put into his answers and the thoughtfulness, it was descriptive, very loving and thoughtful. And similar characteristics and similar height to Daniel, as well as similar hair color and skin tone. Similar interests with the automotive, car sports.

We haven’t as yet thought of how we are going to tell them (their child of their donor conception). We need to get through the pregnancy first and birth. They usually recommend to tell in simple terms and as young as possible, as much as they can understand. Children are pretty open, pretty adaptive. We are open to them finding their donor; it’s up to them if they want to find their biological father. You get some of the medical history through the donor program but its very important. And the curiosity of the child, if they felt that they need to look into it further, we would encourage and support them and be open to it.

"I don’t have any children of my own but would like to see someone have the dream of being parents that really want to but can’t do it without help. I know you will have a loving mother and father that are longing to welcome you to their lives and will love you very much. I hope and wish you have a wonderful childhood and grow up to be a caring and responsible adult. I don’t know if we would ever meet but I wish you all the best. I hope you reach your goals and dreams in life" - Donor

Our little ray of sunshine, in the shape of a GIRL

Our hearts are singing:  “A little ray of sunshine has come into our world, Our little ray of sunshine, in the shape of a GIRL!”’

“A Little Ray of Sunshine” - Axiom

Our baby girl is a precious gift from a very thoughtful and generous man and donor.   We are very thankful for the donor program and donors, as they have enabled our desire  for a family to become a reality.  After the whole process and time involved, it often feels bizarre to think and know she is actually ours!  I often look at her and still can’t believe it.  From when we began trying to start a family of our own, there were many hurdles, which took some time for our heads and hearts to process.  When we were ready and felt comfortable with the next steps, we did what we could with the available science.   We didn’t know if it were possible, which gave us more reason to cherish every moment during pregnancy, birth and now, and to live in each moment.  We will be forever grateful. - Laura

We considered many options to create a family, including IVF, fostering, adoption,  etc but we decided to pursue the donor program so we could create our precious baby from half of our genetics. When we reviewed the donor applications we were looking for a person who came across as genuine, kind, motivated and answered each question thoroughly.  We found the whole process quite easy once we were accepted into the program,  the clinic was very considerate and helpful throughout the whole process. - Daniel

One day I would need to tell you about your mother

I’m laying here with my hand on my stomach.  Tiny bubbles escape and find their way from deep inside my body, drifting leisurely to the surface, exploding lightly against my hand.  Already I can feel the rippling effects of your movements on my body, my emotions, my hormones, spiraling to every facet of my being. I sigh.  One day I would need to tell you about your mother.  Psychologists and doctors would have me reframe it, but sometimes complex matters are best explained by simple truths.  Genetically speaking, I know that your eyes will never be brown like mine.  Your egg did not generate from my ovaries, you are my sister’s gift. What is a mother?  If motherhood was characterized by sacrifice, unconditional love and unsurpassed generosity, then you already have one ‘helluva’ mother.  That leaves you and me.  We need to find our own definition of what a mother-child relationship may be. A few years back I went hiking in the bush.  Climbing sturdily against a rock was a gigantic tree, its rugged roots exposed to the elements.  The tree was thriving against all odds, grabbing on to life for whatever nourishment it could possibly find. You remind me of that wild tree.  Not all trees grow in picture-perfect manicured gardens.  Some trees stubbornly and defiantly carve out their own place in the world, against all known conventions. I can make you only one promise, namely that this is not an easy life.  Late at night I wonder if I haven’t created too much of a burden for you, having to deal with the complexity of an unusual family situation, and older parents who may not have the energy or be as much fun as a younger parent.  Already you may have inherited loneliness.  Growing up, you will have to manage being an only child.  You will face the challenges, temptations and dangers of childhood without sibling support, and having parents that are generations away.  And yet, it seems that together we have chosen this.  I think I prefer it so, this uneasy life, as opposed to having a life without you. Your loving mother, Mandi. 

- Mandi Axmann

Hold strong unto this flower of life

A perfect sphere drawn from the sun

A slender watery arrow poised and pierced

the separation has begun

Two lungs halved

for every breath I dared to draw

four quarters

accounting every corner of my heart

for every sense that could embrace you

and the sixth that could intuit you

For all of you that emerged from the surface of infinity

and shared with us a glimpse of consciousness

and for you who decided to grab on

hold strong unto this flower of life. 

- Mandi Axman