• Medical history
• Who am I related to?
• What does my donor look like?
• What is their personality like?
• Are we alike?
• Why did they donate?

There are a number of peer support and online groups.

There are a number of Facebook groups that exist to support donor-conceived people and parents/recipients considering donor treatment or that have created their families with the help of donated eggs, sperm, or embryos. Some are listed below:

Australian Donor-Conceived People Network

This closed Facebook group is for donor-conceived people across Australia and New Zealand. It is a safe space to discuss what it means to be donor-conceived. You will be asked some questions before you are admitted to the group to establish that you are donor-conceived.

Australian Donor Conception Network

This Facebook group enables members to stay in-touch in-between social events - it is also especially important for members who live in regional areas and can't make it to many social events in the cities.
The group is administered by individual members. Details of the Facebook group is provided on acceptance of membership.

Embryo Donation Mums Australia

Join this new Facebook group to meet other Aussie mums with children born from embryo donation.

Australia Solo Mothers by Choice - SMC - Mum

This is a closed Facebook group for women who have decided to have a child on their own with the help of a donor or adoption. It is for women who are either contemplating, going through or are already a solo parent to a donor conceived or adopted child.  

Donor conceived people, parents, siblings and all donors discussion group

This closed Facebook group is for people involved in donor conception, regardless of position in the spectrum.

Donor Children Australia

This closed Facebook group was created to provide support for Australian donor-conceived children's parents, Australian egg/sperm/embryo donors looking to connect with families resulting from donations and those new to the world of donor conception. This group could also be a network to connect with other donor family or other donor conceived families.

It is particularly frustrating if your records are unavailable.

If you have found your donor via DNA testing or social networks, you can contact VARTA for support and to discuss options available to you.

The Voluntary Register allows people who have been involved in donor conception in Victoria to record information about themselves and their wishes regarding exchanging information with other people on the register, including donor siblings.

If two or more applicants are matched on the Voluntary Register, they are each contacted and can exchange information, if they both wish.

If there is no corresponding link on the Voluntary Register, then you will need to wait until someone you are linked with applies. Many donor-conceived people are unaware of their origins so will not have applied.

Some donor-conceived people may be concerned that they are dating or in a relationship with a potential half-sibling. Non- identifying information can help to rule out potential donor siblings. However, if the dates correspond with your partner, you can ask them to apply to see if their details are found on the Central Register.

Genetic testing is also an option.

Regardless of when the donor donated, the donor has no legal rights or obligations to a child born as a result of a donation. Donors are not the legal parent and do not appear on a donor-conceived person’s birth certificate. Donors are not responsible for maintenance or any financial responsibility towards donor- conceived offspring.

Donor-conceived people do not have a legal claim on their donor’s estate.

Sample letter from a donor-conceived person:

Dear Peter,

My name is Laura and I believe that I was born as a result of your donation. Over the years I have thought a lot about what to say to you. There is so much I would like to tell you. I would like to firstly thank you for donating and giving me the gift of life. Without your help my Mum and Dad would not be parents and I would not be here.

I also want you to know that I am not asking or expecting anything of you. I hope my letter does not cause you any distress. I do not wish to cause any disruption in your life or to intrude on your family. If you do not wish to have contact with me I will understand.

One day I would love to meet you if you would like, but that is entirely your decision. Perhaps we could correspond for a while and get to know each other a little first. I would be very interested to know about your medical history, what you are like and whether we share any similarities in personality, interests or appearance.

I imagine you might have some questions about me too. I grew up believing I was the biological child of my Dad. When I was around 15 years old, my parents explained that they needed the help of a donor to have me. I am now 34 years old. I married a wonderful man, named Dave, 7 years ago. We have 2 beautiful children, Sarah who is five and Ben who is two. I work as a nurse part time and I enjoy swimming and reading.

Ever since I knew about you, I have thought about you and wish you very well,

Laura

Sample letter from a parent:

Dear Donor,

I don’t know how to begin to thank you for the unique and precious gift you have given me. I am a 37 year old single woman and thanks to you I am now a mother to my cherished daughter, Olivia, who is four years old.

There are no words that can express the gratitude for your kindness and compassion. It takes a very special person to help someone that you don’t know and have never met.

Saying thank you doesn’t seem enough. I look at my beautiful daughter and think about how my life has changed since I have had her. I now can’t imagine my life without her. I can assure you that she will be loved and well looked after. If you would like, I am happy to send you a photo of her.

If you would be interested in having updates as to how my daughter is going, I would be only too happy to send you an annual letter on her progress. If you would possibly feel comfortable to meet one day in the future so we can thank you personally we would be keen to do this. No pressure! I will respect whatever you and your family feel comfortable with.

I sincerely hope your life is as full of happiness as the happiness you have given me,

Best wishes and thank you again,

Olivia’s Mum, Linda

Sample letter from a donor:

Dear Donor Daughter/Son,

I wanted to let you know that over the years I have wondered about the people who may have been born as a result of my donation. Are they happy, healthy and well looked after? Do they know they were created with some extra help from me? Do they want more information about me – my medical history, my personality and interests and my appearance?

Perhaps it would help you to know why I donated. I was a young person at the time. The clinic was looking for donors. I had some understanding of infertility because I had close friends who were having trouble becoming pregnant. I wanted to help people who wished to have children but could not do so. Since then I have married and had children of my own but I never forgot my donation.

I just want to let you know that I am happy to give you this information and to possibly meet if you would like this…or not. I am comfortable to do whatever you would like. I am very conscious of your feelings and also, of your parents’ wishes and certainly don’t want to intrude. I am very clear that I am not your parent and I want to reassure them and you that I don’t want to take on a parenting role as you have these already.

I wish you all the very best in your life,

Chris

Your introductory letter or email is often the first form of contact between someone with whom you are connected by donation. It is best to write a short message that gives some information about you and how you would like the contact to progress.

You may find it is one of the most challenging letters you ever have to write. It may be hard to know what to say. It is important that you:

• write in your own voice
• are honest about what you think and feel
• keep it simple and real
• let your personality shine through
• let the other person know your ideas of what you would like to happen in the future.

Start by introducing yourself. This may be the first information the other person has received about you. It may also be their first introduction to a person with whom they are connected by donation. As you may not know what kind of involvement they wish to have with you, it is better to keep your introduction simple. Consider sharing why you are interested in knowing more about them. You may have already received some non-identifying information about them. This may be a good opportunity to write a few short sentences about what you know or to identify something that the two of you have in common.

What will you call each other? The terminology surrounding donor-conception has not yet evolved enough to describe these kinds of relationships. It is difficult to know what to call each other. The language you use should develop over time if you establish a relationship. Knowing the other person’s first name can help ease this awkwardness. If you do not know their name, you could perhaps address the letter to: ‘Dear donor’, or ‘Dear donor-child’.

Respect the other person’s wishes and feelings. It is good to be open with them as to what you would like, but do not force your ideas upon them. Instead of ‘when can we meet?’ you could say ‘one day, if you’d like to, it would be my hope that we could meet.’ It is likely that one or both of you may be feeling some trepidation about the situation so it’s better to tread lightly in the beginning. You may each prefer to correspond by letter or email for a while before meeting. It is important to reassure each other that you respect each other's feelings and wishes about future contact.

Maintain your boundaries. Remember that you do not know this person yet. While you may be genetically linked, this does not mean that you will get along. It is likely they are very honest and genuine people, but it is sensible to take the usual social etiquette precautions you would normally follow. Until you get to know one another it is best to maintain some boundaries. Only share to the level that you feel comfortable. It is your choice whether you share a photo of yourself or provide your surname.

Social media. Be aware that the more information you provide, the more able the other person is to access information about you via the internet. You may wish to change your privacy setting on your social media accounts.

Keep it simple. Keep the first letter light in tone and short. You do not have to say everything straight away. While you are likely to be extremely curious, it is best not to ask too many questions. Decide on the things that you really want to know. It is also okay to ask for an updated medical history.

A statement of reasons is a short document explaining your motivations and what you would like to happen (both short and long term) as a result of the application. Your completed statement of reasons is forwarded to the contacted party and can help them understand why you are seeking information and/or contact.

• Write in a way which conveys your voice and what you think and feel, so that the other person forms a greater understanding of you as a person. VARTA staff have expertise connecting people linked by donation so they are able to provide helpful feedback.
• Keep it simple and clear. Consider what the other person may like to know about you. As this is likely to be the first information the other person will receive about you (and may be their first introduction to somebody with whom they are connected by donation) it is difficult to know how they will respond to your application. Let the other person know a little bit about yourself. Ensure that the information you share with the other person is what you are comfortable revealing. If there are specific questions you have, this is the time to ask them.
• Respect the other person’s wishes. It takes time to get to know another person and at this very early stage it is sensible to approach things in a respectful and carefully paced manner. For example, instead of stating ‘I want to meet you’, you could say ‘one day, if you’d like to, it would be my hope that we could meet’. It is likely that one or both of you may be feeling some trepidation about the situation so it is advisable to tread lightly in the beginning.
• Be clear about your short-term and long-term goals. It is helpful for the other person to understand how you would like to begin to communicate with each other initially, and if this goes well, in the future. Some people want only medical information or information about cultural background and do not want ongoing contact. Others would like a friendship if they find they enjoy each other's company. People often like to begin to exchange information with each other via email. While some people might use their general email address, others prefer to begin correspondence using a non-identifying email account to protect their privacy. People may also choose to share photographs.
• Social media and internet footprint. The more information you share, the easier it is for the other person to find you on the internet. This is the time to update your social media settings if you want to protect your privacy or if you are a parent and wish to protect your child's privacy.

You can read more about writing your statement of reasons here.

Parents, donor-conceived people and donors can request and receive non-identifying information from VARTA at any time, without the need for consent. This includes:

• physical characteristics – height, eye colour, blood group
• social information – ethnic background, medical history.

Options include:

• treating fertility clinic
• Voluntary register
• Central register.

People linked through donor conception can lodge information via the Voluntary Register. If a match is found all parties will be notified.