Many non-biological parents worry about their role in the family, particularly their role in relation to their child. This can be challenging for some people, especially in same-sex relationships, as there are no established societal norms for their relationship. Some techniques for overcoming this include sharing the practical parenting responsibilities (e.g. feeding and caring) and time spent parenting. Flexible working arrangements (e.g. working part-time, working from home) can help to share the primary-care role.
Regardless of the roles in your family, love, commitment and shared values are good building blocks for any family.

Recipient parent(s) receiving donor treatment are the legal parent(s) responsible for all parental decisions. Donors have no legal rights or responsibilities in relation to the child.
A common fear is that the donor will not be able to let go of parental responsibility and will want to intrude or interfere with your family. It is important that everyone involved including partners (if any) express how they feel about the arrangement, roles and consent.

The language used to describe the donor may vary and can include ‘Dad/Mum’ (coparenting), ‘donor Dad/Mum’, the donor’s first name, ‘special helper’, ‘generous man/lady’, ‘nice egg lady’ or some variation. The use of names; the relationship between parent,  donor, and child; and the donor’s role and responsibilities are  unique to each family.

If you would like to advertise for an egg, sperm or embryo donor, you will need to apply for approval from the Health Minister before it is published. This includes sending your draft advertisement for approval to:
Minister for Health
Department of Health and Human Services GPO BOX 4541
Melbourne VIC 3000
Email Address: art.enquiries@dhhs.vic.gov.au

Options for finding a donor include using a fertility clinic donor, advertising or using a known donor. If you are using a known donor, consider where, when and how you will raise the topic so that you both feel comfortable here.

One of the most common concerns shared by non-biological parents is whether they will bond with their baby. However, once their baby is born, many say they are surprised by how easily and quickly they bond and how natural it feels.

Recipient parent(s) receiving the donor treatment are the legal parent(s), responsible for all parental decisions. Donors have no legal rights or responsibilities in relation to the child.

The parent’s name(s) will appear on the birth certificate as the legal parent(s). The donor’s name will not appear on the birth certificate. The Victorian Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages will also mark ‘donor-conceived’ against their record of the child’s birth. When a birth certificate is issued to an adult donor-conceived person conceived from 2010, a second page is attached stating that more information about their birth is available. The second page of the birth certificate can be removed so that it can be used for official purposes, such as applying for a passport, without revealing that they were donor-conceived.

If the donor-conceived person requests more information, they will be informed that their details are on  VARTA’s Central Register. If they did not know previously, they will then find out that they were donor-conceived.

Before using donated gametes, consider:

• Family. What are your ideas about family? Is genetic connection a priority? Have you taken time and space to grieve the loss of not being genetically related to your child, including physical resemblance and family history? It is important that you feel confident and comfortable regardless of your child’s genetic origins.
• Your donor. If you know your donor, how might their donating affect your relationship with them? If you do not know your donor, what characteristics (i.e. intelligence, health) are important when choosing your donor?
• Relationships. What will the donor’s role be in relation to your child? Who and what will you tell your family, friends and, most importantly, your child?
• Access to information. Consider that your child may want more information about their donor or may want to contact them when they are older. Consider how you would feel if you were contacted by the donor for information or to meet.
• Legal implications. Understand the legal implications of your decisions here. Seek legal advice before proceeding.

Having doubts and fears is normal. It is important that you think through and discuss any concerns you have. Talking to your partner, close friends or family, known donor, or your counsellor are good ways to explore issues further. You may want to contact a support group or talk to others who have been through it before you make a decision.

The Assisted Reproductive Treatment Act 2008 contains various consent provisions. These provisions relate to issues such as the withdrawal of consent and what happens in the event of death. These are discussed during counselling, before you consent to treatment, and in the forms that you sign.

In 2017-18, 35 women received fertility treatment as surrogates in Victorian clinics, and 13 babies were born as part of surrogacy arrangements.